These three authors would have you believe that writing every day is an urban writer myth:
George R.R. Martin. The famous author of A Song of Ice and Fire has anxiety about the HBO TV series passing the point where he is in the writing of the story. He said that he felt like he was "bound to train tracks and could see smoke wafting," though he can't yet see the train. To be honest, George is so slow, so easily distracted, and so unhealthy the likelihood of him not finishing the series is the same as the sun rising in the east.
Thomas Harris. An American author and screenwriter that's managed to produce five books in forty years (Black Sunday, Red Dragon, The Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, Hannibal Rising). That's about one book every ten years. If he's writing every day, it's one word and then...done. Time to get lunch.
Harper Lee. She wrote one book: To Kill A Mockingbird. Ayep...that's it.
So yeah, why do so many writers listen to the mantra "To be called a writer, you should write every day?" It's pretty much hokum. That's my point and I'm sticking to it. Have a good weekend you nano-wrimo preppers out there!
Well, it's been almost a year since I subbed my fantasy novel to the Harper Voyager open call, and everything that I can gather from online forums suggests that the editorial staff at HV has winnowed the 4500+ entrants down to less than 400. There hasn't been an update since May on HV's own site, but I expect one to pop up soon. So far, I am still in. It's exciting to think that I am in the top 10%. I suppose there's also that nail-biting insecurity that comes from checking my email every day (as I've done for the last eleven months). One goes through the paces of asking the big question "what if?" a lot.
For example, I ask myself if I would change as a person. Do I really need the validation that would come from a multiple book contract with a Big Five publisher? The answers are ambiguous at best. Yes, I might change because I've felt like a loser most of my life and the sudden success of "hey I'm actually good at something" might make me gloat when I don't mean to. A different part of me looks at all the perceived setbacks I've embraced in the seasons of my life. It's that section that's been beaten down by the reality of life and would just be thankful for a cold glass of water and a spot of shade when halfway across the Sahara desert.
Maybe the key here is to not get one's hopes too high, but it grows increasingly more difficult with each passing day and a shrinking number of those who remain in the pile. They are taking just 12 authors from that open call and making it as far as I have gives me roughly a 10% chance to get in the money. I would just welcome the opportunity to be published by HV as an interesting opportunity filled with all kinds of possibilities. And there's also another part that would be comfortable with yet another rejection. It's a part that says I'm pretty comfortable being where I am as a writer and "no thanks, I'll pass on the external validation. I already know I'm awesome."
So yeah. Insecurity at this point means that all the parts of me want different things from my writing. I guess I have stories to tell just like all of you, but I really don't have a concrete plan. I'm just trying things. It seemed like a good idea to sub to Harper Voyager 11 months ago, and it still feels like a good idea now. I'm just waiting for the shoe to drop.
I know most of you who follow me on twitter (or who read my blog) know that I love The Big Bang Theory. It's currently on hiatus for the summer. The season finale last week was pretty good (not the best) but Sheldon and Aimee broke some new ground. For the record, the best season finale was Penny's "walk of shame" out of Leonard's bedroom with Raj coming out afterward and Penny saying to Sheldon, "It's not what it looks like" thereby creating a riddle for Sheldon that lasted until the next season.
This awkward scene of Raj and Penny made for the best season finale thus far in the CBS comedy.
Anyway, despite the fact that I thought it would be crazy wonderful if Stuart (the comic book store owner played by Kevin Sussman) and Rajesh Koothrappali managed to become a couple, it was not meant to be. That being said, I also never thought I'd get the opportunity to post an interview with Kevin Sussman. But I guess my audience is bigger than I thought because Michael Bivona, the Media Director for www.web2Carz.com sent me this guest post on an interview they did with Kevin. And it actually made me squee!
And how could I say "no" to that? I love Kevin Sussman more than I like Wil Wheaton. So if you too are a fan of the comic book geek guy on BBT, read on:
Kevin Sussman Speaks
"Big Bang Theory" star on writing, evil empires, and George Clooney.
Kevin Sussman has become a ubiquitous presence in TV and movies since he was first cast in the Barry Levinson feature film Liberty Heights in 1999. He is perhaps most recognizable as Walter on the one-time ABC dramedy,Ugly Betty. Kevin’s character "Stuart Bloom" on CBS’ The Big Bang Theory, is now a series regular, and he recently guest starred on Showtime’s mini-series Weeds with Mary Louise Parker. And, along with writing partner and collaborator (Big Bang Theory co-star) John Ross Bowie,wrote a sci-fi comedy about two slackers working onboard an evil space station, Dark Minions, now an animated stop-motion TV pilot produced by Amazon Studios.
We recently talked to Kevin about his acting career and his successful foray into screenwriting.
Before we talk about your acting career tell me about your most recent success co-writing with your Big Bang Theory cast mate, John Ross Bowie. We originally wrote Dark Minions as a live action thing and the major networks all turned it down because they all thought it was too “high-concept." That was the first time John and I had sold a script; actually, SONY optioned it and we were taking it around. Everybody loved it but they were afraid of it. We learned really quickly what a broadcast network is willing to buy, which is basically two things: shows about friends in their 20s or a quirky family. If you go outside those areas, you have a much more challenging road ahead.
How did the show evolve into a stop-motion project? We pitched the show to Amazon as an animated thing, and they suggested stop-motion. We love stop-motion. [British stop-motion film] Coraline is one of my favorite movies and I love the hell out of it…and I see everything that comes out in stop-motion. I was delighted. I didn’t realize it would be possible to do something as time consuming as “stop-mo” for TV. Ross Shuman (the director) had worked on Robot Chicken and the studio that did Dark Minions, Shadow Machine that created Robot Chicken. But Robot chicken was only 11 minutes, unlike Dark Minions which is a full-length show.
But you and John had already sold a couple scripts The following two seasons we pitched and sold shows, The Ever After Part and The Second Coming of Rob—one to Fox and one to ABC. They were family oriented and both were never made once we got through the development process, and the networks had nerfed the edgy stuff. But, when we were doing The Second Coming of Rob they were starting to animate Dark Minions and building the sets and puppets…it was so great. To see all of these artisans constructing the mini set and sewing tiny clothes was amazing. Shadow machine was so into the script and everybody was so excited. So, while we were getting frustrated with the network, John and I would constantly say to each other, “can we just get back to playing with our space puppets now” which is what we wanted to be doing.
What was the evolution for Dark Minions? You know the scene in Star Wars when they’re invading the Rebel ship…and there’s this stark white, modular hallway. And I always thought, “What’s in all of those cabinets in the hallway? Do people use those?” and I wrote a scene about troopers marching by and a moment later a guy who's half-dressed comes out of a door, and goes to one of those cabinets and takes out some Cheerios and then goes back into the room. I sent that to John and he added another scene to it with the same exact tone.
So he got the joke? He got it immediately and we agreed to outline it and come up with a story: two guys who get jobs onboard an evil space station that don't agree with the politics, but one's got student loans to pay, and the other doesn't have a college degree.
Do you do the voice work first on something like that? We did all the voices first and videotaped us (for scenes that had some physicality in them) so the animators have stuff to reference. But it’s such a slow process. Normally, when you’re working on a show you get to see the dailies….on this if they’re lucky, with several different animators working at the same time you get five seconds a day…so, rather than dailies we had weeklies and at the end of the week, the cast and executives come and watch on the big screen, a minute or two of animation and it's really cool to see this stuff come to life.
What’s your history with John? Sometimes we get mentioned online in the context of Big Bang Theory, that we met on Big Bang Theory. That’s not true. But, we’ve known each other for years when we were two geeky guys winding up on the same commercial auditions. We were those guys, working in tech settings in the corporate world. Nerds.
What kind of job did you have? I worked at Chase Bank and Fuji Bank in the World Trade Center actually doing everything from admin assistance to basic programming. Excel and Word to I.T. stuff—just real hardcore nerd shit. John was doing similar stuff down the block. When you’re an actor in New York, you are either a waiter or you learn Excel.
Did you guys get together on lunch breaks? Did you hang out? We sort of were acquaintances in NY but we’d run into each other at auditions. We really didn’t connect until I moved out to L.A. and started working on Ugly Betty. I became good friends with Anna Ortiz (who plays Ugly Betty’s sister) and she’s good friends with John’s wife Jamie Denbo. Then we became actual friends, as opposed to acquaintances. We had already written a couple of scripts together before we coincidentally got jobs on Big Bang Theory. I'd auditioned for Chuck Lorre who had created Big Bang Theory. He originally offered me the role of Barry Kripke which John ended up getting because I was working on a movie at the time. The next thing Chuck had for me was the comic book guy. Coincidentally, He had no idea that I had worked at a comic book store for years. I worked at Jim Hanley’s Universe (comic book store) in Manhattan. It’s weird how things turn out, because had I been available for John’s role, John would have gotten the comic book guy part (I tease him about it).
It sounds like it’s a pretty effortless collaboration. It would be impossible to do if either of us had a big ego in terms of criticism; neither of us do…we try not to be harsh…John and I work in an almost,old-school, very respectful, deliberately diplomatic way in terms of criticism of each other’s work. Not that there’s no ego, sometimes the writing is better because there’s a healthy competitiveness. When we hand something back and forth, one of us will tweak a joke to make it funnier. There’s a little bit of one-upping each other that is fun, and productive, but we also try not to hurt each other’s feelings.
Everyone over at Big Bang Theory must be very proud of you guys? The writers on Big Bang are really supportive of us—they tease us and say they’re going to show up and start acting in episodes of Big Bang. But they also offer comforting advice because they know how hard it is to work in the system.
Were you an improv guy like so many actors who book parts these days on sitcoms? I know it doesn’t show but I am a traditionally trained actor. I went to the American Academy of Dramatic Art. And then I studied under Uta Hagen, a renowned actor who had been blacklisted during the McCarthy era. John’s at Upright Citizens Brigade in an improv group with Rob Courdrey and he’s amazing at it. I think that as collaborators we work so well, because we approach writing totally different, in that regard. He’s quick and you can see his improv background. He will take anything I give him and go with it—so I try not to give him crap.
But the formal theater training must help with scene structure… Oh yeah, I’ve had to read endless plays and I suppose that informs my writing (fundamental stuff like characters and conflict or that every scene needs forward momentum. I also have read a lot of books on writing, probably too many. Drew's Script-O-Rama is a gold mine for somebody that wants to go into screenwriting. It’s basically a database of shooting scripts. It’s an invaluable and essential resource.
When were you able to act full time and say goodbye to those nefarious day jobs? I was working at Fuji Bank at the Word Trade Center doing Excel spreadsheets. I got along really well with the Japanese guy who actually offered to take me on as a permanent employee and give me health benefits, which I didn’t have. He knew I was trying to be an actor (every once in a while I’d put some costume on at lunch and go uptown for an audition). And then a week later I booked my first TV show,Ghost Story—kind of like a "B" version of Tails from the Crypt. So, I had this dilemma about whether to take the job or take the step and keep acting. I felt so horrible about Toro Tanaka. (laughs).
Do you know if he was in the World Trade Center on 9-11? I don’t think so because I once looked at a fatality list and didn’t see anyone that I knew from Fuji. He was probably back in Japan by then because he would have been rotated out of there. What a horrible thing. Fuji was located on the 80th floor...
I was watching David Krumholtz being interviewed on Kevin Pollak’s chat show and he mentioned working with you on your first big film Liberty Heights. Yeah, David, Adrian Brody and I hung out a lot and Barry Levinson made it so we could spend a lot of time together. We had a great time, a lot of laughs Brody, Krumholtz and I… I remember at the end of the film when we were saying goodbye David Krumholtz said, “I’ve worked on a lot of movies and when they’re done everybody says, ‘we’ll keep in touch’ and we never do, so let’s not even do that.’” (laughs)
So, you’ve never seen him since? We have, and that’s the irony.
So, when did you finally move to LA? I moved out there when I booked Ugly Betty.
You’re recognized a lot for Wet Hot American Summer. I was a last minute replacement for Wet Hot and I came in towards the end. But that movie is so beloved for people who have a sense of humor.
Were you able to bond with George Clooney on Burn After Reading? Yes, the guy is so grounded that you almost get the feeling that he’s doing himself a disservice (laughs)… “Don’t forget now, you’re George Clooney you don’t have to waste your time hanging out with me…you must have better things to do. When people ask me who the coolest celebrity I’ve worked with it’s an easy answer. Clooney for the win.”
That was a very physical scene and he tackles you. And, also technically difficult because he had just been in a motorcycle accident and his back was fucked up. He was doing something most stars don’t do…which is do something physically painful, over and over, just to help the collaborative effort. That was the striking thing about him… weirdly selfless for a guy who could have a black SUV whisk him away at a moment’s notice.
Do you often reflect on having worked with Joel and Ethan Coen, two of the most beloved filmmakers out there? When I talk about my experience on that, it’s usually in terms of experienced directors’ versus inexperienced low budget directors. The Coens are the experienced directors. They show up, having already worked everything out shot by shot and they’re pretty hands off with the acting part of it. The better directors have spoken to me less.
Did you experience the same direction from Steven Spielberg? Yes, same thing with him and Roger Michell (Changing Lanes), the ones who get the best performances are the ones who say the least. If I feel they trust me, it relaxes me and I’m able to take risks, in the moment, As opposed to stuffing my concentration with added tasks the director wants me to do even though it’s not coming from me organically.
What does your summer look like? So much depends on if Dark Minions gets picked up and if it does my summer is going to be about writing episodes. If not, it’ll be about trying to develop something new, probably for TV, and then the acting thing as well. Since Big Bang doesn’t pick up until August, I’ll do what I usually do, kick around and see if I could show up in somebody’s movie.
*****
I gotta see this. I'd never heard of it 'til today.
So did you guys like the interview? As an existing fan of Kevin I learned so much, am going to look up Dark Minions, and just really appreciated this view into his life and the writing process. I'm glad no one he knew died in the World Trade Center. Oh and according to the YouTube trailer, Dark Minions can be watched for free on Amazon Instant video.
I watched the Defiance episode "The Serpent's Egg" on Monday and am in awe of their world-building. As a fan of world-building myself, one of the things that struck me in the episode is how they are peeling the layers back from the mystery that is Irisa, and in doing so, revealing a lot about the world after the invasion. How do they do this? It's a perfect expose of "Show" and don't tell. Writers, you should be listening.
This is the leader of the snake cult that tortured and probably sexually molested Irisa as a child when her awful parents gave her to him for such experiments. The introduction of this character hints at a very dark religion that not only sounds villainous, but may have true power because of Irisa's burgeoning supernatural abilities. I wonder if she'll get manipulated into serving them in the future.
Irisa spots a sharply-dressed Irathient that spawns quick flashes of snakes and some kind of ritual that could make your blood go cold if you walked in on it accidentally. Obviously, the Irathient man is no stranger and is somehow connected to Irisa's past but we don't quite know yet how all the pieces fit together. When they do come together...it's almost Manson-esque weird. She kidnaps this guy and forces a snake to bite him while he's tied to a chair. Only after that does he finally admit to belonging to a snake cult and we are treated to a tale of how her parents sold her as a child to him to basically be tortured and probably sexually abused. We also find out that he's done this same thing to a number of girls, and Irisa is the only one that survived. Yikes! But that's not all. Irisa is some kind of prophet or messiah and only needs to cap one sacrifice to make "something big" happen.
The whole reveal is done with great skill. First, the episode does a great job of convincing you that Irisa might have lost her mind. She continuously beats up and tortures her prisoner in a dark dungeon somewhere in Defiance. And he keeps denying that he is who she thinks he is. But later, you realize that this is just a vehicle for her to jog her memory, and once she knows everything she actually chooses to let him go.
Simultaneously with this storyline, there's also one that follows Nolan and the Mayor out of Defiance with a suitcase of cash. Nolan is escorting a dangerous criminal to a prison in Las Vegas and on the ride we are introduced to Ambassador Tennety who turns out to be evil AND a polygamist. When was the last time you got treated to a woman keeping multiple men around? And the polygamy bit is not related to her evil (which is simply nature vs. views on marriage).
I also learned that the St. Louis arch is now a deejay studio. I suppose that works. I'm really pleased with how much I understand of Defiance just a few episodes in. Plus it's a reminder that rather than employing an info dump, it's much better to create your world through the experiences of your protagonist.
Are you watching Defiance yet? Do you think it's brilliant science fiction? What method do you employ to build worlds in your novels?
The Insecure Writer's Support Group can be joined by anyone. You can find the sign up sheet HERE. April 2013 finds me being less an insecure writer and more a "writer" who just happens to have some insecurities. The difference this time is I'm meeting the biggest challenge head-on instead of running away from it.
What is this challenge? Well, I'm looking to buy my very first home. This is not a new thing but has been an ongoing drama for about eight months now. When I first started looking, I had no clue what I was doing (if you watch the show "Property Virgins" the people buying homes are a lot like me). So I downloaded the real estate apps for Zillow and Realtor.com onto my iPad and started paging through online photos. I saved some that I liked, tracked them for a while, and then I started to get more serious. I got a Realtor and started going through homes. I've found a few that I've liked and I've made offers on two. The first was on a short sale that I loved. The second was on a really run-down home in a completely awesome neighborhood. Think sycamore tree-covered lanes. Yeah...that house was beautiful on the outside, but a dump on the inside. However, I was willing to live in a dump because I figured I could fix it up over time and then I'd be in this amazing neighborhood. But that house went to a house flipper who paid cash for it and had more money than I did. As for the short sale, well it got "sold" in March.
This show is so about me and my struggles.
Well one day in the first part of April, I noticed that the short sale I loved (the one mentioned above) hadn't actually been sold to a homeowner or investor (which is what I assumed had happened since it went off the market). I discovered it had been foreclosed upon, i.e. "sold to the bank."
My Realtor said, "Oh those are such a pain in the ass...let's just keep looking." He had no idea who to contact and really no energy to track down this title. He wanted it easy. You know...the kind where I pick out a regular home, we make an offer, and then I move in. Easy peasy. But he has no idea that I'm historically the person that never does anything easy. To his credit, he tried to dissuade me by saying things like, "Foreclosures are terrible to deal with, and I've had them go sour over a year later." But I was not deterred. I gotta say this again...I really liked this house. And if it was foreclosed, then that means the bank owns it but doesn't want it, and I'm sure they'd like to unload it. Why not unload it on me? Why can't I be that person? Again, the Realtor just made a sour face, made a call, and said the title was owned by Bank of America. That's where he stopped by saying, "I left a voice mail with Bank of America but they never returned my call."
Okay...I get it dude. I'm going to have to take it from here. So I did. I researched Bank of America foreclosures, didn't find an email address, but I found a physical address. I'm a writer, and I write things, so I penned a snail mail letter and sent it off to Bank of America with a self addressed stamped envelope. Well after a few weeks of stalking and phone calling and even skulking around said property snapping pictures, the trail finally led to a law office. I called them on a Monday morning to inquire about said property and they said they were indeed the ones that represented Bank of America and that it would be put up sometime in May. Because of Freddie Mac standards, they said that it needed some TLC and they were fixing some carpet and doing some roof work. They were not specific in what "work" was to be done. However they were quite clear with my Realtor (when I told him to call them) that when it does go for sale, it will be more expensive than the short sale price.
Ugh. My bubble was burst. I thought foreclosures were supposed to be a deal and not cost more than the original listing. But it looks like Mike will not be getting a "deal." Ah well. I still don't have any clue what price they are going to want, but I've got my ducks in a row finance-wise and am ready to pounce on this foreclosure the minute it hits the market with as aggressive an offer as I can manage. I just hope that "the fixes" they did on the property won't drive the price up to a level I can't afford because the "short sale" price was totally within my budget.
Sure the lawn is essentially weeds, and there's no garage. But it has enough land that I can put in an over-sized two car garage at some point. As for the lawn, I'll get to that as well. I plan to put in a sprinkling system, a new fence, and maybe even a fountain and a deck. I dream of reading in the shade during summer. Did I mention it's near a huge park with really wonderful towering old trees and close to downtown? Oh and plant flowers out front...that is a must during spring/summer.
I'm just really insecure about getting this property. I wonder how many people are also interested in it or even know about it. I wonder how much the actual price is going to be. If I could get it for the price I want to pay (close to the short sale price) I would be in fat city for the rest of my life as far as my monthly payment goes. But I do have a plan if I fail. I'm going to find a lower rent apartment to move into and wait out another year to see if something I like pops its head up and screams "buy buy buy!"
>>>>> Please Welcome Jessica Bell <<<<<
Too many adverbs and clichés in your writing? I've got just the fix for you. by Jessica Bell
Writers constantly have rules thrown at them left, right, and center. Show, don’t tell! Stop using so many dialogue tags! More sensory detail! More tension! Speed up the pace! Yada yada yada ... it can become overwhelming, yes? I used to feel overwhelmed by it all too. In fact, I still do sometimes. It’s hard enough to get the words on the page, let alone consider how to put them there.
In Anne Lamott’s Bird by Bird, she says that in order not to be overwhelmed, a writer needs to focus on short assignments. She refers to the one-inch picture frame on her desk and how that little picture frame reminds her to focus on bite-sized pieces of the whole story. Basically, if you focus on one small thing at a time, the story will eventually come together to create a whole. I believe the same applies to learning the craft of writing. If writers focus on one aspect of the craft at a time, the process will seem less daunting and piece by piece it will come together.
My name’s Jessica Bell, and my own struggles with feeling overwhelmed inspired me to write the Writing in a Nutshell Series of pocket-sized writing guides. So you can learn to hone your craft in bite-sized, manageable pieces. In the first book of the series, I focused on demonstrating how to transition “telling” into “showing.” In Adverbs & Clichés in a Nutshell: Demonstrated Subversions of Adverbs & Clichés into Gourmet Imagery, I deal with another of the most common criticisms aspiring writers face: to absolutely avoid adverbs and clichés like the plague. But see, right now, I just used one of each. I also used a couple in the first two paragraphs of this post because they come naturally, and we utilize them frequently in everyday speech. But in fiction, too many adverbs and clichés weaken your prose. It’s considered “lazy writing,” because it means we don’t have to show what’s happening.
If your manuscript has too many adverbs and clichés, it most likely means that the emotion you felt while writing it is not going to translate to the reader in the same way. So how exactly can we approach the subversion of adverbs and clichés? For starters, play around with simile and metaphor when you’re trying to convey emotion, and for action, use strong verbs to show it happening in real time.
The key? Think smaller details rather than the bigger picture. Need some help and inspiration?
“Jessica Bell's latest pocket guide, Adverbs & Clichés in a Nutshell, will inspire you to leave bland behind and pursue your creative best. With force and clarity, she demonstrates how adverbs and clichés hobble vibrant writing. She then marks a course toward unique expression and provides workouts that will help writers at every level develop a distinctive voice.” ~Laurel Garver, freelance editor, author of Never Gone and Muddy-Fingered Midnights
Bio: The Australian-native contemporary fiction author and poet, Jessica Bell, also makes a living as an editor and writer for global ELT publishers (English Language Teaching), such as Pearson Education, HarperCollins, Macmillan Education, Education First and Cengage Learning.
Is there an unwritten rule of genre fiction? Sure. Good thing I'm a writer too because if I didn't write it down and just...I dunno...told you about it, chances are it would remain unwritten. Life has little ironies like that. So, I've been thinking. At first, I sat in front of my word processor working on my paranormal masterpiece that P.T. Dilloway says has an unpronounceable name (I dunno what he's talking about because Caledfwlch is as easy to pronounce and spell as "Bob") and started to wonder, how DO you create holy water exactly? and realized that you can't just boil the hell out of it. Get it...boil the "hell" out of it? Disclaimer: if you don't find that last line funny, then this next question totally applies to you:
But I digress, and I have some more completely random points to make before I'm through with you. So more to the point, what (you may ask) is my epiphany for the writing world? It is this oh beautiful people:
To create an interesting character give them a hat.
I KNOW, RIGHT?!?! I mean IT'S SO SIMPLE WHY DIDN'T YOU THINK ABOUT THIS?!? Allow me to explain in a way that will poignantly illustrate why I am me and you are you.
First, this is totally THE REASON why I have Jordan wear a sports cap on his head all throughout Slipstream and Oculus. SERIOUSLY. And for anyone that's read my books, he'd so be less cool without a hat. And second...well there really is no second. So let's just go with "first" and examine how I arrived at this conclusion? Easy...by paying attention to books, movies, comics, and video games in the last 30 years. It sure as heck wasn't doing anything constructive with my life.
1) The Sorting Hat. Everyone's read the Harry Potter books. If you haven't, you should just go out and punch a bunny right now because you are a mean person. Now, for those readers of my blog who are not out and punching bunnies, admit this one truth: the story really takes off post "Sorting hat." It's kind of the defining moment marking a change of direction from "I have no idea where this story is headed" to "oooh, now everyone has a motive behind all their mean-ness."
Harry looks constipated in this picture. I hope everything comes out all right. :/
2) OddJob. The huge mute Korean from the James Bond 007 film, "Goldfinger" is remarkably uninteresting unless you like huge Korean men who can crush golf balls into dust. But wait, there's a scene where he throws his bowler hat and lops off the head of a stone statue. At that point, you realized, "Hey, this is an Asian stereotype with flare. He may only drive the white guy around and probably still do his laundry, but at least he has an accessory with a deadly razor blade ring of metal in it." I guess given the time, it was difficult to entrust a gun with a Korean. You can bet that we won't see this again anywhere.
I get no speaking lines. I just crush golf balls into powder and wear this completely innocuous hat that really sets off my eyes. No, it doesn't have a deadly blade in the rim that I can direct better than a Frisbee.
3) Kung Lao. This guy is a video game character from the Mortal Kombat series, introduced as a player character in Mortal Kombat II in 1993. He's a former Shaolin monk, and a close friend of the series' protagonist Liu Kang. Kung Lao gained considerable popularity and favorable critical reception, in large part due to his famous weapon resembling Oddjob's hat (ZOMGAH I JUST SAID IN #2 THAT WE WOULD NEVER SEE THIS AGAIN).
Kung Lao is only cooler than Oddjob because he's drawn that way.
I didn't think Oddjob's hat was all that cool, but there was the time he lopped off the head of that statue. Can Midway top that? I mean come on...what could you possibly do with a hat and a razor blade? It's not like you could slam it into the ground and make a makeshift table saw. *SNORT That would totally be unbelievable and no one would buy that.
WHOAH WHOAH WHOAH! This is a VIDEO GAME THAT YOUR KIDS ARE PLAYING?!
Okay i have to admit...that's cooler than Oddjob's hat. I especially like how the words flash "Kung Lao Wins" as if that weren't obvious. I guess we have to be told everything nowadays.
Okay...maybe there are a few people who would buy that. But is it gross? Or is it just really the coolest thing you've ever seen? I sense a disturbance in the force: like maybe there's going to be a sharp divide on the "perceived coolness" of this graphic based on whether you are a boy or a girl. I don't know what testosterone has to do with it, but the Magic 8 Ball says "Yes."
4) Big Trouble In Little China. This little gem from the eighties deserves its own blog post because it's just that cool. But there's no dispute that hats are the accessory that make or break the on-screen mojo of every character present. Just look at Jack Burton with the hat and without the hat.
Can you feel the coolness radiating from Kurt Russell? Yeah...now YOU know the reason why Jordan wears a hat in my books.
Yeah. If you'd kept your hat on, you wouldn't have gotten your ass kicked.
And don't even get me started on the Three Storms. The only reason the lightning guy lived to the very end was because he kept his hat on.
5) Rick Grimes ala "The Walking Dead." Rick Grimes BEFORE he gave his hat to Carl is a complete badass. After he gave his hat away, he's basically lost his mind. So my premise is that the hat is what kept him from going insane, not the zombie apocalypse and all the emotional baggage that comes with that.
Before he gave his hat away, Rick is clearly in charge.
Rick gave his hat away. Now he's all crying and blubbering and has totally lost it. But his son is now the calm and cool and totally wooden psychopath that we can really get behind.
So there you have it, my friends. Are you now convinced that in your own writing, you need to give your characters a hat to make them interesting?
If you are a writer of fight scenes, I urge you to watch this very short clip of Uriah Hall knocking out Adam Cella in a recent MMA fight. All too often, we see in movies some completely unrealistic fights. Heroes and villains both take an unbelievable amount of damage. This finds it's way into our stories too. I for one, try to limit my fights and keep them short, because I think that fights end rather quickly most of the time. But I'd never seen anything like this.
For those of you unfamiliar with The Ultimate Fighter, it's a reality t.v. show that follows the lives of men who are aspiring to the fame and glory of a champion. And as you can see, they really do put their lives on the line. This video is pretty scary and Uriah Hall has said that he was frightened, thinking he'd killed his opponent. From everything I've read, Uriah Hall sounds like a nice guy. He just wants to win, but he grossly underestimates his abilities. I've no doubt he'll go far in this sport. It took Adam Cella six minutes to come out of the knock out that Uriah Hall delivered to him with one kick. You can see his eyes are glazed (that's not fake) and he's literally in a seizure. Ten minutes after he came out of it, they rushed him to the hospital. He's alive and is expected to fight again in Vegas soon. I think that's remarkable. If Adam were my son, I'd be scared to death for him, get on the phone, and tell him he needs to find another line of work. It's interesting that parents let their boys grow up to do this stuff. I guess I should be thankful, because I get to see the battles and am entertained. But, I think I'd feel differently if I had an emotional attachment to one of these guys.
The Uriah Hall knockout is a reminder to all writers to keep fight scenes brief but powerful.
Now that being said, here is my pick for the five best fight scenes in film history:
5. Rowdy Roddy Piper in "They Live." At the time, it was billed as the longest fight ever filmed. And to think, Roddy just wanted the guy to try on some glasses. 4. Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi from the "Phantom Menace" trying to take on Darth Maul. This fight sent shivers up my spine. Especially toward the end where Ewan McGregor is taking on Darth Maul all by himself and is just about outmatched. 3. This is Jason Scott Lee playing Bruce Lee in the film adaptation of Bruce Lee's life called "Dragon: The Bruce Lee story." the reason I pick this fight as number 3 is because of the remarkable choreography involved just to bring such a legendary bout to life (that supposedly really happened) when Bruce Lee refused to obey the Chinese and restrict the teaching of Kung Fu from Americans. He wanted to "Teach what I want to teach to whomever wants to listen." 2. Vin Diesel and The Rock in the movie "Fast Five." The sheer amount of muscle these guys are packin' puts this fight in my top 2 of my favorite ones to watch. And it's so over the top that there's just no way any person could survive blows like they are throwing. However, it's damn good entertainment. 1. The temple fight scene from "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." This is my all-time favorite fight ever. If you've never seen it, I urge you to watch. The mastery of martial arts weapons is bar-none, simply incredible. Ziyi Zhang is cheating somewhat with a magic sword, but Michelle Yeoh is a grand master with tremendous skill, and it more than makes up for the difference. Are you a fan of mixed martial arts? Do you like watching real-life fights and see young men battle it out with such brutality that they could kill each other?
How do you feel about the MMA video and do you think it will change how you write a fight scene?
Last week was so sad. We had "The Clone Wars" season 5 finale and the 30 Rock series finale. But alien/immortal Kenneth Parcell would want you to know that life doesn't get any worse for you if you've been locked up in someone's sex dungeon. So if that's your situation, it's okay to be pessimistic. But otherwise, you really have no excuse not to be optimistic about the present and the future.
Tina Fey is unquestionably brilliant. I mean she totally owned her role as Sarah Palin during the 2008 election year, appropriately shaming that dunce for such clangers as, "I can see Russia from my house." But aside from that, her splash on Saturday Night Live led to the writing and creation of one of my favorite series, not to mention the New York Times #1 bestseller Bossypants (which is incredibly funny btw). And by the end of "30 Rock," I not only concluded that it's a shining example of how a drop of speculative fiction can improve any tale, but that the immortal Kenneth Parcell is the allegorical stand in for fiction writers everywhere. It's almost like that "tug on the ear" thing that Carol Burnette is famous for doing. Kenneth Parcell was Tina Fey's "tug on the ear" to all of us out here in t.v. land to let you know "the characters you invent will be immortal, just like Kenneth Parcell."
For those of you who didn't watch 30 Rock...well, shame on you. It was really funny and had a lot of great moments. Here are some facts pulled from the 30 Rock Wiki:
Kenneth is a perpetually cheerful immortal NBC page from Georgia. He came from pig farmer stock, and his best friend is his mother.
Throughout the series, Kenneth's age is questioned. Sci-fi website io9 called him an alien (but I don't think he's an alien). Kenneth told Tracy and Jenna that he'd kept a bird for almost 60 years. He's snapped at Tracy before when he asked Jack if there was an age limit to being a page. Kenneth responded "Who said I've been alive forever?!" When Frank played an iPhone application that emitted a low-pitched sound only those over 40 could hear, Kenneth was in agony. We've seen Kenneth packing up a photo given to him by Fred Allen dated 1947 which reads "To Kenneth, you're the tops!" We've also seen a tombstone which shows Kenneth's birthday as May 27, 1781. He's also claimed that his parents at some point were technically brothers. Interesting, eh?
Kenneth also had quite a "coke" problem during his "Wall Street days." This is revealed to mean he used to work at Blockbuster Video and was addicted to Coca Cola around the time that the film Wall Street was popular on home video.
His personality is definitely religious (and he's part of a fire and brimstone church that has services in a basement). Kenneth also reveals that he has no political views since "choosing is a sin." Instead, he always submits write-in votes for God. According to Jack, these all count as Republican.
And let's not forget the most awesome moment in the series finale that shows you how strange Kenneth really is:
So here's my take: Kenneth is not an alien but just a really nerdy/geeky angel that's stuck here on earth and wants to control NBC. From the looks of the final panel above, that's exactly what he got. And maybe that's just the final validation I needed for my own story. If Tina Fey writes about weird angels, then it's okay for me to write about them too. And the characters I invent, just like Kenneth Parcell, will be immortal too.
Also: huge nerd props for featuring a Bespin Cloud car from Star Wars in the window behind Kenneth.
To quote Elise in describing this blogfest, it is my opportunity to "tell us something interesting about yourself. It doesn't have to be very long, just something you haven't shared with your readers in a while. It can be anything. It can be about writing. Or blogging."
So as of the last six months, I've kinda had this obsession with Maroon 5's lead singer, Adam Levine, and I really just want to use this blogfest as an excuse to post pictures of him. But, I will relate it somewhat to my books because I'm going to work on a picture of Dylan who's a character in my novel, and I'm totally going to draw Adam Levine in that role. Why you may ask? Because I like to live in pretend-land, and I can. Like seriously guys...I CAN DO THIS. And it's gonna totally ROCK. I just haven't decided if I want to make it color or pencil? I've been debating that all week. But I do know he'll be looking down the barrel of a gun, because Dylan likes to shoot people, and he's really frickin' good at that.
First gratuitous picture of Adam Levine. Don't worry there's more coming your way below.
So yeah, in just one paragraph you now know 1) I like Adam Levine 2) He would play Dylan in my fantastical crazy f*cked up mind where I imagine someone in Hollywood actually thinks my story is worth a film adaptation 3) I dig Maroon 5 and want to see them play Mandalay Bay in March (well maybe you didn't quite get that, but I so want to make it happen) 4) I can draw and there are times when I think I can do faces pretty good 5) I'm really indecisive because how often is it that one gets stuck on whether it should be pencil (black and white) or color and 6) I think guns look cool and even though I'm a democrat, all the coolest characters in my book go around with HUGE guns and kill people with them (but in the immortal words of Arnold Schwarzenegger from "True Lies" they are ALL bad.) And I'm being completely serious...all the bad guys in my book that end up getting shot had it comin'. Thank you Saturday Night LIVE for rekindling the thoughts that had kinda faded...ya know? (You just learned another thing about me...I watch SNL). I've so been re-introduced.
Second gratuitous picture of Adam. I have to admit ladies, he pulls off the tats.
A black and white picture. So help me decide? Should my drawing be black and white or color?
I hope you enjoyed this fantastic expose on how simply liking Adam Levine reveals six truths about myself. Now THAT is brevity.
The Insecure Writer's Support Group was created by Alex J. Cavanaugh.
Recently, I won a 25-page critique from writer and blogger Shelley Batt. You can find her blog HERE.
I decided to send off 25-pages of my third book in the sci-fi series that I'm writing. It's the sequel to Oculus and is called Caledfwlch. You can read the first chapter of Caledfwlch at this LINK. I decided to post it AFTER I got the critique back from Shelley. Why didn't I post it before? Well, I've been feeling very insecure.
See, I'm not young anymore. I'm 41 and I visit tons of blogs where everyone is writing things, writers are celebrating their agents, and people are doing the happy dance about huge publishing contracts. So it really doesn't take much for me to think I just suck, or that I'm a failure. I'm 41 and I write some stories that a few people have read and seem to like. But it pales in comparison to the Harper Teen titans of YA who have legions of fans posting 20000+ reviews, book deals, movie deals, a gorgeous husband, three blond kids (all YA writers "seem" to be Aryan), and where every post seems to ooze magic hearts, unicorns, and happiness. And they don't even have a weight problem either. In all the pictures they put up, they're all skinny and drinking hot cocoa and boarding airplanes headed for B.E.A. or getting pics with their hubs from Disneyland.
Then I look at their age: 23. And I think...holy sh*t.
My reaction isn't jealousy. It's despair that I've tried all my life to accomplish something notable but just come up short. I made it to Disneyland to see the fireworks when I was 38. Yeah...parents never took me: dad always said he couldn't afford it. So yeah...that pretty much sums up my life. A dude that finally got it together enough that he could take himself to Disneyland by the time he was 38. Loser, right? I know I know...there are homeless people in every city and people in Ethiopia that got it worse off than me, but yeah...aside from those people, I'm not exactly the cream of the crop. Far from it actually.
I've always wanted to write. I've got stories clogging up my hard drive, I post free things on websites just to find readers, and I wrote short stories when I was a teenager. At 23, I still didn't know who I was as a person (that took quite a while to sort out), and there are girls who (at 23) have $500,000 dollars in their bank accounts. For reals? For writing YA dystopians. Seriously. And don't even mention the thousands of graduates from prestigious Ivy League schools and places like Stanford and Berkely. Yeah...just don't go there.
At first, I didn't want to send pages to Shelley for a critique. But I was like...what the hell...if she hates it then it doesn't matter. This is the response I got:
Michael,
Wow, you are truly a gifted writer. I started reading your pages and didn't want to stop. I was a bit worried about reading them, at first, because of the speculative fiction aspect. I didn't really know what that meant and wondered if I could actually be able to help you. After reading your pages, I realized you really didn't need my help and wow, I loved it and I really want to read it from the beginning of the series.
I did make a few comments here and there but I kept getting sucked into your story and really forgot to comment. So where there's gaps realize it's awesome. Thank you for letting me read your pages and also for helping me with my critique giveaway. You've been very kind, and I appreciate it.
Thanks, Shelley
The letter totally made my day. I was like "Zomgah, I'm a real writer!" And of course, the first thing that pops into my mind AFTER I realize someone loved my pages was this:
Am I going to get a rejection letter from Harper Voyager? Am I? Am I? What will I do if I don't get one? For those that don't know, Harper Voyager is part of the Big Five with authors like George R.R. Martin in their stable.
A little background==> Back in October, Harper Voyager who's a huge publisher of fantasy fiction put out an open call for manuscripts in the fantasy genre from authors that are "unagented." And yes, I had one that was completely done sitting on the hard drive. Query typed, synopsis already edited, etc. I just never had even bothered to send it out. It's complete at 87,000 words (and it's PG-13 guys--yeah I wrote an epic fantasy that mommies can read, and it has a man/woman romance in it [and the Defense of Marriage Act people rejoice everywhere while eating their Chick Fil-A sandwiches]). So when I read this and read that the open period was only for 14-days...I emailed my entry off on the first day. Not too eager right?
And I've been waiting and doin' my writer thang and my blogger thang...
Because I mostly fail at everything, I just expect Harper Voyager to reject my manuscript here in January (when they say they'll notify all 4500 people that entered). I plan on doing the cover art myself and then publishing it under Patrick's Planet 99 publishing imprint that he created. But after reading Shelley's critique...I'm wondering...what if they don't reject me? Is it possible that I'm a real writer? Is it possible someone at Harper Voyager's slush pile might actually like my first 1000 words? And what if they do? What if they say "We'll sign Mike...give him a call?"
This thing called "hope" that all of us writers go through is truly terrible. I think I'd just be better off accepting that nothing good ever happens to me.
If you have time, please go read my interview at Kay Dee Royal. She's part of my book tour and you can find the post HERE.
And please don't forget to comment onTHIS POST HERE. I'm giving away a $50.00 Amazon Gift Card. I'll draw a winner when I get back from CES in mid-January.
Also as an update to my trip to the Consumer Electronics Show, I've decided not to take my laptop, because I don't want to risk it getting stolen. So I won't be blogging next week, but I'll be tweeting. I do have a cover reveal "scheduled" in blogger for Monday, but sometimes that thing doesn't work right.
Housekeeping first: my drawing for the free ebook of your choice had 14 entries out of 70 views: In order, they were E.J., Denise, Alex, Em, Tonja, Andrew, Joy, David, Elise, Cherie, L.G., Morgan, Susan, and Danette. And that's for any ebook which should have a broad appeal to most people. What do I get from this? Well, I think about 20% of the people who read my blog have electronic readers (or prefer reading ebooks). That's interesting, and I caveat that the percentage could probably move up by 5% if you factored in repeat visits (or those who are just swamped by books). Does 25% of blog readers owning e-readers or reading e-books jive with the national average? I have no idea, but it's food for thought.
Anyway, the winner of the great ebook giveaway is number 7. That person is Joy Campbell.
So Joy, when you read this, just leave a comment below as to what free ebook in the whole wide world (under 10 bucks) you want emailed to you from Amazon (that's Mobi format for the kindle, and I'll send it to your email as a gift). I'm sure I'll get around to pestering you on your blog about it. Alternately, you can choose just a $10 Amazon gift card if you want to say, buy a book that costs more than ten bucks.
Enjoy!
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Now, to my interview with Laura Diamond author of YA paranormal sensation Shifting Pride (I'm putting this up a day early as I don't blog on the weekend). My commentary/responses/questions are written in bold black print.
Blurb for Shifting Pride: Sixteen-year-old Nickie Leone has proof that her missing (presumed dead) father is still alive. Receiving his watch in the mail is the first in a line of clues bringing her closer to discovering his whereabouts. But clues aren’t the only new thing in Nickie’s life. There’s the Memorial Banquet her mother insists she help prepare for, there’s the new kid/hottie, Xavian, and…well, the growth of whiskers and a tail!
Filled with secrets and a new love of tuna fish, Nickie must partner up with Xavian (don’t you know he’s a shape-shifter also?) to rescue her dad before she loses him forever. Oh, and she needs to figure out how to be a cat, too. This guy on the cover is really good looking LOL- stares at it some more. *Facepalms
Hi Michael! Thanks so much for hosting me today. I had a lot of fun answering your questions, and hey, you gave me some ideas for the sequel! ;) You're welcome, Laura. I'm good for a few ideas here and there.
Q: How did you hear about Etopia Press? One of the editors, Rachel Firasek, held a pitch contest on her blog. I’d heard of Etopia through Twitter, but didn’t know they accepted YA submissions until the pitch contest. I submitted my pitch, and Rachel asked for the first chapter that day. Then she asked for the full manuscript!
Q: Just to verify, are you a cat person or a dog person 'cause you seem like a cat person O.o? LOL! I’m probably more of a cat person. I have four: a ragdoll and 3 rescues, but I also adopted a Corgi last spring. She’s adorable and brought me much joy.
Q: If you were the MPAA, what rating would you give your book and why (I asked this question because I have Mormon friends who are 40 and have never seen an R-rated movie)? You know, at first I was going to say PG…then I remembered the scenes where the characters shape-shifted When they have the time, they prefer to undress first so that a majority of their income doesn’t go to wardrobe replacement. Therefore, because of their, ahem, nakedness, I’d rate it at PG-13.
Q: Does the whole "cats have nine lives" thing come into play in your book? I'm curious because I don't think I could write a werecat book without doing the nine lives thing. Seems almost necessary. Hmm, that’s a good idea! It may come up in the sequel! ;) No, my shape-shifters don’t have nine lives, but they have extraordinarily long ones—like centuries. They tend to keep their teenage countenance until they find a mate, then they mature. Even then, the aging process is slow. They’re more likely to be killed in a battle than to die from old age, though. They like to fight too much.
Q: How would the cats in your book view the whole domestication of cats, cat shows, and cat groomers of the world? LOL! I’m not sure. I’ll have to ask. Actually, they’d probably say that they like pets. Nickie tried to help a stray kitty, but got into trouble. Also, some of the shifters in the book may be insulted if someone equated them to domesticated animals.
Q: Are you drawing any connection back to a cat goddess in your book? No cat goddess in the first book, Shifting Pride, or in the prequel, New Pride. However, I’m still developing a sequel and there may be something to that goddess thing. Stay tuned!
Q: What's your favorite book not written by you featuring cats? I like Rachel Vincent’s Shifting series. Her MC is in college in the first book, so it’s more new adult or adult urban fantasy, but the cat hierarchy is there…and so is the action! In Nine Lives of Chloe King, Chloe dies and then develops her feline qualities…kind of harkens back to your earlier question about nine lives. Such a great concept!
Thanks for answering all of my quirky questions, Laura!
For those of you who do not know Laura, here's a little about her:
Laura Diamond is a board certified psychiatrist and author of all things young adult paranormal, dystopian, horror, and middle grade. Her short story, "City of Lights and Stone", is in the Day of Demons anthology by Anachron Press (April 2012). Another short story, "Begging Death", is in the Carnage: After the End anthology volume one by Sirens Call Publications. Her Young Adult Paranormal Romance novelette New Pride and novel Shifting Pride debuted late 2012 from Etopia Press. She has just signed with Pugalicious Press to publish another Young Adult novel, Zodiac Collector. When she's not writing, she is working at the hospital, blogging at Author Laura Diamond--Lucid Dreamer, and renovating her 225+ year old fixer-upper mansion. She is also full-time staff member for her four cats and a Pembroke corgi named Katie.
Wow...you live in a 225 year old mansion! I want to know about that!
Where to find Laura Diamond on the web:
Her Blog is HERE Her twitter is HERE Facebook is HERE Facebook Author Page is HERE Website is HERE
Amazon author page is HERE Author’s Den page is HERE Goodreads author page is HERE
DRAWING: I will be gifting one lucky person who comments on this post with Laura's ebook (it's in Adobe pdf format) New Pride, which is the jumping off point for this series.
As of this blog writing, Laura's book has six five-star ratings on Goodreads with an average of 4.86 % (that's frickin high). Have a great weekend!
George R.R. Martin. The famous author of A Song of Ice and Fire has anxiety about the HBO TV series passing the point where he is in the writing of the story. He said that he felt like he was "bound to train tracks and could see smoke wafting," though he can't yet see the train. To be honest, George is so slow, so easily distracted, and so unhealthy the likelihood of him not finishing the series is the same as the sun rising in the east.
Thomas Harris. An American author and screenwriter that's managed to produce five books in forty years (Black Sunday, Red Dragon, The Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, Hannibal Rising). That's about one book every ten years. If he's writing every day, it's one word and then...done. Time to get lunch.
Harper Lee. She wrote one book: To Kill A Mockingbird. Ayep...that's it.
