Five reasons supporting the idea to create an interesting character give them a hat

Is there an unwritten rule of genre fiction? Sure. Good thing I'm a writer too because if I didn't write it down and just...I dunno...told you about it, chances are it would remain unwritten. Life has little ironies like that. So, I've been thinking. At first, I sat in front of my word processor working on my paranormal masterpiece that P.T. Dilloway says has an unpronounceable name (I dunno what he's talking about because Caledfwlch is as easy to pronounce and spell as "Bob") and started to wonder, how DO you create holy water exactly? and realized that you can't just boil the hell out of it. Get it...boil the "hell" out of it? Disclaimer: if you don't find that last line funny, then this next question totally applies to you:

But I digress, and I have some more completely random points to make before I'm through with you. So more to the point, what (you may ask) is my epiphany for the writing world? It is this oh beautiful people:

To create an interesting character give them a hat.

I KNOW, RIGHT?!?! I mean IT'S SO SIMPLE WHY DIDN'T YOU THINK ABOUT THIS?!? Allow me to explain in a way that will poignantly illustrate why I am me and you are you.

First, this is totally THE REASON why I have Jordan wear a sports cap on his head all throughout Slipstream and Oculus. SERIOUSLY. And for anyone that's read my books, he'd so be less cool without a hat. And second...well there really is no second. So let's just go with "first" and examine how I arrived at this conclusion? Easy...by paying attention to books, movies, comics, and video games in the last 30 years. It sure as heck wasn't doing anything constructive with my life.

1) The Sorting Hat. Everyone's read the Harry Potter books. If you haven't, you should just go out and punch a bunny right now because you are a mean person. Now, for those readers of my blog who are not out and punching bunnies, admit this one truth: the story really takes off post "Sorting hat." It's kind of the defining moment marking a change of direction from "I have no idea where this story is headed" to "oooh, now everyone has a motive behind all their mean-ness."

Harry  looks constipated in this picture. I hope everything
comes out all right. :/

2) OddJob. The huge mute Korean from the James Bond 007 film, "Goldfinger" is remarkably uninteresting unless you like huge Korean men who can crush golf balls into dust.  But wait, there's a scene where he throws his bowler hat and lops off the head of a stone statue. At that point, you realized, "Hey, this is an Asian stereotype with flare. He may only drive the white guy around and probably still do his laundry, but at least he has an accessory with a deadly razor blade ring of metal in it." I guess given the time, it was difficult to entrust a gun with a Korean. You can bet that we won't see this again anywhere.

I get no speaking lines. I just crush golf balls into powder and wear this
completely innocuous hat that really sets off my eyes. No, it doesn't have
a deadly blade in the rim that I can direct better than a Frisbee.

3) Kung Lao.  This guy  is a video game character from the Mortal Kombat series, introduced as a player character in Mortal Kombat II in 1993. He's a former Shaolin monk, and a close friend of the series' protagonist Liu Kang. Kung Lao gained considerable popularity and favorable critical reception, in large part due to his famous weapon resembling Oddjob's hat (ZOMGAH I JUST SAID IN #2 THAT WE WOULD NEVER SEE THIS AGAIN).

Kung Lao is only cooler than Oddjob because he's drawn that way.

I didn't think Oddjob's hat was all that cool, but there was the time he lopped off the head of that statue. Can Midway top that? I mean come on...what could you possibly do with a hat and a razor blade? It's not like you could slam it into the ground and make a makeshift table saw. *SNORT That would totally be unbelievable and no one would buy that.

WHOAH WHOAH WHOAH! This is a VIDEO GAME THAT YOUR
KIDS ARE PLAYING?!

Okay i have to admit...that's cooler than Oddjob's hat. I especially like how
the words flash "Kung Lao Wins" as if that weren't obvious. I guess we
have to be told everything nowadays.

Okay...maybe there are a few people who would buy that. But is it gross? Or is it just really the coolest thing you've ever seen? I sense a disturbance in the force: like maybe there's going to be a sharp divide on the "perceived coolness" of this graphic based on whether you are a boy or a girl.  I don't know what testosterone has to do with it, but the Magic 8 Ball says "Yes."

4) Big Trouble In Little China. This little gem from the eighties deserves its own blog post because it's just that cool. But there's no dispute that hats are the accessory that make or break the on-screen mojo of every character present.  Just look at Jack Burton with the hat and without the hat.

Can you feel the coolness radiating from Kurt Russell? Yeah...now YOU know the reason
why Jordan wears a hat in my books. 

Yeah. If you'd kept your hat on, you wouldn't have gotten your ass kicked.

And don't even get me started on the Three Storms.  The only reason the lightning guy lived to the very end was because he kept his hat on.

5) Rick Grimes ala "The Walking Dead." Rick Grimes BEFORE he gave his hat to Carl is a complete badass. After he gave his hat away, he's basically lost his mind. So my premise is that the hat is what kept him from going insane, not the zombie apocalypse and all the emotional baggage that comes with that.

Before he gave his hat away, Rick is clearly in charge.

Rick gave his hat away. Now he's all crying and blubbering and has totally lost it. But his
son is now the calm and cool and  totally wooden psychopath that we can really get behind.

So there you have it, my friends. Are you now convinced that in your own writing, you need to give your characters a hat to make them interesting?

Have a great Tuesday :)

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