The Cool, the disturbing, and the vulgar of season five's finale of True Blood

Ever wonder how the oldest vampire in the world would die and what he'd say? Russell Edgington to Eric "Well, f*ck." Edgington was in the episode for less than five minutes. Like that joins some kind of Kate Beckinsale quota of flashing tit before title. I want to borrow a quote from Lafayette...

Kind of anticlimactic to kill the oldest vampire in the world like that, don't you think? However, "anticlimactic" does not describe Sunday's episode of True Blood. It was by far, the most satisfying episode of the season. I think it could have stood by itself, and HBO could have just canceled all the others. For one, this episode had a HUGE body count. It reminded me of "Body Count" by Ice-T.

The Cool Stuff:

Eric killed Russell Edgington after an entire field of fairies pooling their magic couldn't even make him pause in his monologue. You know it's bad when all the power you and your allies can muster won't stifle a monologue. But just like in the Incredibles, Russell got caught monologuing and Eric squished him.

Eric and Sookie were like Batman and Catwoman teaming up to face the bad guy. 

Salome got snuffed. She drank up the Jesus juice, only Bill spiked it with silver. How could you not see that one coming? And it wasn't the Jesus/Lilith juice anyway. Maybe it was just Kool-Aid.

Tons of people died. HBO cleared house AND it's about damned time. Jason Stackhouse took out like ten vamps. Eric killed ten. Tara killed about five. Eric's sister killed about ten. And in True Blood, when vamps die, they explode like water balloons filled with food coloring.

Jason Stackhouse as vamp slaying commando had me at "Fang banger!"

Tara French-kissed Pam. Serious vamp on vamp, interracial, face sucking goin' on. *Throws confetti. Best line from Jessica, "I KNEW IT!" Yes you did, honey. Yes you did. But so did we. *yawn

You would never guess that Pam was a former hooker by the way she dresses.

Bill became a naked vampire god. It isn't True Blood unless you are drenched in blood and running around naked. And his fangs were larger than Eric's. Yeah, you read that right. Vampires are size queens too.

Bill's fangs are bigger than Eric's. Sookie can verify that. She's been with both.

Alcide killed the deranged wolf-pack master and got twice as many lines in one episode as he's had all season. However, he didn't kill the wolf pack master shirtless. I take away one point for this short-sightedness on HBO's part.

Roz is killed by Sam expanding in her head. That's the only thing about this entire season of shapeshifters that paid off.

The Disturbing Stuff:

Sam Merlott doing reconnaissance as a house fly when he wasn't nude. It was ten minutes too long, which is probably precisely the amount of time they could have spent cutting all that out entirely. I guess they needed to wrap up the Emma storyline, not that there even was one to begin with.

Andy Belflour's pregnant fairy woman gave birth to four kids. Only birth sounds a lot like orgasms, there's lots of light emanating from "down there" and it apparently requires a lot of salt as she downed an entire container of Morton's. I guess fairies don't have to worry about their sodium levels.

My favorite lines from the birthing scene:

"My light broke."
"Who knew watching an alien giving birth could be so comforting?"
"Andy Belflour, you're a dick."

"I only slept with her twice in the time I've been dating you." At least
he's honest, ladies. Oh infidelity thou art a cruel mistress,
especially when the other woman is a fairy.

The Vulgar Stuff:

Jason and Eric hit it off like schoolhouse buddies.  Here's their exchange (NOTE that it's less effective unless you visualize Jason's lines said in a thick southern accent):

Jason: Fanger

Eric: Blood Bag

Jason: Leach

Eric: Breather

Jason: Dead F*ck

Eric: Meat sack.

Jason: "If I want to be a fool, I will be a fool. That's my God-given right as an American."

Ain't that the truth. Oh True Blood, I shall miss your craptasticness. Writers of the world who receive rejection after rejection, take heart from True Blood. Know that you are rejected because your writing is NOT THIS GOOD. Long live Sookie Stackhouse!

Have a great Tuesday. Ciao.

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What's the deal with incest?

I watch True Blood, so I think those of you out there who watch it know where this blog post may be heading. But first, a few words. As far as the vampire series goes, it took a long time for me to really warm up to it. But there's just something hypnotic about all that white southern trash as a vampire setting. Girls walking around in Daisy Dukes with some hoodoo in the bayou and protagonists with awesome names like Sookie. And let's not forget Jason Stackhouse who's in the series for one reason...to be naked.

Eric and his sister just got done having sex while Bill (on the right) listened in.

So in the premiere on Sunday, Eric Northman banged his sister. And it makes me ask the question, what's the deal with incestuous storylines? In Game of Thrones, Jamie Lannister has an incestuous relationship with his sister Cersei (both are HBO Series by the way). Are writers using incest because it's shocking?

RECENT OBSERVATIONS:
I've heard Cassandra Clare has an incestuous relationship in her novel City of Bones (which will probably be turned into a movie one of these days).

In a Big Bang Theory episode, Howard Walowitz tells everyone that he lost his virginity to his cousin.

On one episode of Boardwalk Empire (another HBO show), a flashback-heavy installment revealed a sexual relationship between Gillian (Gretchen Mol) and her son, Jimmy Darmody (Michael Pitt).

So anyone else notice that incest seems to be cropping up a lot lately? Or is this an old hat and has been explored for decades and I'm only just noticing it?

I remember when I was much younger overhearing a conversation in a store where a high school kid playing a video game in an arcade bragged to another kid that he was having sex with his own sister. I remember feeling quite repulsed by that statement. And I still think I'm a little repulsed by it.

I guess I should try to be more open-minded. But yeah, each time I come across one of these plotlines, it shocks me.

Are any of you writers out there using incest in your books? If so, why?

And to celebrate the return of True Blood I give you the following gifs :)))

Lafayette staring down Alcide. Too awesome for words. Go Lafayette. For those that don't
follow this show, Alcide is frickin' huge. Like seriously...take an MMA fighter at the peak of their
fitness and you'd have Alcide. He's also a were-wolf.

Jason Stackhouse playing Rock Band. He seems undamaged psychologically
from the fact that he was raped for an entire day last season by were-panthers.
In True Blood, sex with anyone, anytime goes hand-in-hand with grits in the a.m. 

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