The Insecure Writer's Support Group was created by Alex J. Cavanaugh.Recently, I won a 25-page critique from writer and blogger Shelley Batt. You can find her blog HERE.I decided to send off 25-pages of my third book in the sci-fi series that I'm writing. It's the sequel to Oculus and is called Caledfwlch. You can read the first chapter of Caledfwlch at this LINK. I decided to post it AFTER I got the critique back from Shelley. Why didn't I post it before? Well, I've been feeling very insecure.See, I'm not young anymore. I'm 41 and I visit tons of blogs where everyone is writing things, writers are celebrating their agents, and people are doing the happy dance about huge publishing contracts. So it really doesn't take much for me to think I just suck, or that I'm a failure. I'm 41 and I write some stories that a few people have read and seem to like. But it pales in comparison to the Harper Teen titans of YA who have legions of fans posting 20000+ reviews, book deals, movie deals, a gorgeous husband, three blond kids (all YA writers "seem" to be Aryan), and where every post seems to ooze magic hearts, unicorns, and happiness. And they don't even have a weight problem either. In all the pictures they put up, they're all skinny and drinking hot cocoa and boarding airplanes headed for B.E.A. or getting pics with their hubs from Disneyland.Then I look at their age: 23. And I think...holy sh*t.My reaction isn't jealousy. It's despair that I've tried all my life to accomplish something notable but just come up short. I made it to Disneyland to see the fireworks when I was 38. Yeah...parents never took me: dad always said he couldn't afford it. So yeah...that pretty much sums up my life. A dude that finally got it together enough that he could take himself to Disneyland by the time he was 38. Loser, right? I know I know...there are homeless people in every city and people in Ethiopia that got it worse off than me, but yeah...aside from those people, I'm not exactly the cream of the crop. Far from it actually.I've always wanted to write. I've got stories clogging up my hard drive, I post free things on websites just to find readers, and I wrote short stories when I was a teenager. At 23, I still didn't know who I was as a person (that took quite a while to sort out), and there are girls who (at 23) have $500,000 dollars in their bank accounts. For reals? For writing YA dystopians. Seriously. And don't even mention the thousands of graduates from prestigious Ivy League schools and places like Stanford and Berkely. Yeah...just don't go there.At first, I didn't want to send pages to Shelley for a critique. But I was like...what the hell...if she hates it then it doesn't matter. This is the response I got:
Michael,
Wow, you are truly a gifted writer. I started reading your pages and didn't want to stop. I was a bit worried about reading them, at first, because of the speculative fiction aspect. I didn't really know what that meant and wondered if I could actually be able to help you. After reading your pages, I realized you really didn't need my help and wow, I loved it and I really want to read it from the beginning of the series.
I did make a few comments here and there but I kept getting sucked into your story and really forgot to comment. So where there's gaps realize it's awesome. Thank you for letting me read your pages and also for helping me with my critique giveaway. You've been very kind, and I appreciate it.
Thanks,ShelleyThe letter totally made my day. I was like "Zomgah, I'm a real writer!" And of course, the first thing that pops into my mind AFTER I realize someone loved my pages was this:Am I going to get a rejection letter from Harper Voyager? Am I? Am I? What will I do if I don't get one? For those that don't know, Harper Voyager is part of the Big Five with authors like George R.R. Martin in their stable.A little background==> Back in October, Harper Voyager who's a huge publisher of fantasy fiction put out an open call for manuscripts in the fantasy genre from authors that are "unagented." And yes, I had one that was completely done sitting on the hard drive. Query typed, synopsis already edited, etc. I just never had even bothered to send it out. It's complete at 87,000 words (and it's PG-13 guys--yeah I wrote an epic fantasy that mommies can read, and it has a man/woman romance in it [and the Defense of Marriage Act people rejoice everywhere while eating their Chick Fil-A sandwiches]). So when I read this and read that the open period was only for 14-days...I emailed my entry off on the first day. Not too eager right?And I've been waiting and doin' my writer thang and my blogger thang...Because I mostly fail at everything, I just expect Harper Voyager to reject my manuscript here in January (when they say they'll notify all 4500 people that entered). I plan on doing the cover art myself and then publishing it under Patrick's Planet 99 publishing imprint that he created. But after reading Shelley's critique...I'm wondering...what if they don't reject me? Is it possible that I'm a real writer? Is it possible someone at Harper Voyager's slush pile might actually like my first 1000 words? And what if they do? What if they say "We'll sign Mike...give him a call?"This thing called "hope" that all of us writers go through is truly terrible. I think I'd just be better off accepting that nothing good ever happens to me.If you have time, please go read my interview at Kay Dee Royal. She's part of my book tour and you can find the post HERE.And please don't forget to comment on THIS POST HERE. I'm giving away a $50.00 Amazon Gift Card. I'll draw a winner when I get back from CES in mid-January.Also as an update to my trip to the Consumer Electronics Show, I've decided not to take my laptop, because I don't want to risk it getting stolen. So I won't be blogging next week, but I'll be tweeting. I do have a cover reveal "scheduled" in blogger for Monday, but sometimes that thing doesn't work right.
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