Insecure Writer's Support Group Post 2

It is that time again.  If you haven't joined, you really should.  On the first Wednesday of every new month, the writers of the Insecure Writer's Support Group organized by super blogger Alex J. Cavanaugh step forward to give their testimony to the things that plague them most. These are doubts, fears, and terrors that lurk within the fragile mind of the author inside all of us that longs for a return to the days of J.D. Salinger and Harper Lee...when one could just put something into print and the publisher did all the work and the writer just collected checks and hid from view, never to be seen from again.So what am I insecure about this time?  I'm going to answer this question with a question, so here it is.Am I a good enough writer to be published?  Should I just have hidden my manuscript in a drawer and never let anyone ever see it?The feeling that I get by putting myself out there is similar to the feeling I get while shopping for clothes.  It's like the plus-sized guy or gal that walks into an Abercrombie and Fitch store and sees all the advertisements on the wall of super-fit people enlarged 20 times.  These photos are all done in artistic black and white and airbrushed while enjoying an afternoon by some southern river with girlfriends and buddies in tow and wearing the latest fashions.  Lightning bugs and dew on the kudzu vines are optional but may help sell a pair of jeans.

Books put out by the Big Six reinforce this kind of branding over and over.Basically, if you don't look like this, you have no business being happy.In fact you really should be miserable and the people that do look like thisshould pity you and be thankful that they don't look like you.

I look nothing like them.The black and white model photos package a dream pretty nicely. Well so does all the work that goes into a Big Six published book from cover art to massive editing done by a team of the best and hired by a firm with bottomless pockets. Throw in a P.R. department and well...that standard is the Abercrombie & Fitch of the publishing world.  Harper Teen is the Hollister, Random House is the Neiman Marcus.So here I am with my mid-size publisher with a whole world of "models" and "airbrushed" faces out there and I'm eyeballing one small empty shelf in an infinite warehouse and putting my stuff on it and wondering if it even has a chance. So that's my insecurity.  Self doubt.  Maybe that's why so many authors seek validation for their work.  We live in a world that subliminally insists that we suck on just about every level because someone, somewhere decided upon a standard by which to measure if something is "good or beautiful".  The trouble is...not all of us fit so easily into the pre-drilled holes that society has made for us. And when we fight those molds, things can get ugly pretty fast.So what do I do to fight the self doubt? Well...I listen to Eminem. He's kinda my muse.  He doesn't inspire, doesn't give me story ideas, but he's damn good at keeping me going when all I want to do is quit.  I've followed his career for twelve years, from the old slim shady stuff to his now cosmic superstar status, and this guy absolutely fascinates me. I own a bunch of his albums and listen to them in secret because most of my friends cannot understand why on earth I like his extremely powerful words.  Yeah he spouts a lot of hate.  But, I think it fits me because I have a lot of repressed anger.  I think he's a musical genius on the same level as Mozart or Beethoven...just born in a different era.  Anyway...here's his latest song with Bruno Mars (who has the voice of an angel by the way) that I listen to quite often and I have to say...yeah...I love it.  I even included it in my latest book because this is precisely the kind of music that Jordan would listen to (because he has a lot of repressed anger too).

This is a Blog Hop!

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1. Ninja Captain Alex J. Cavanaugh	2. Adventures In Writing: One Woman’s Journey
3. Liza at Middle Passages	4. Tyreans Writing Spot
5. Spunky L. Diane Wolfe	6. Susan Says
7. WRITING IN THE CROSSHAIRS	8. Arlee Birds Tossing It Out
9. C Lee McKenzie Books	10. Em-Musing
11. Jennifer Lane Books	12. Sandras Blog
13. Elizabeth Seckman	14. Carrie-Annes Magick Theatre
15. Shannon Lawrence	16. Diane Riggins
17. The Faux Fountain Pen	18. This Writers Growing
19. WordDreams	20. J. Q. Rose, Author
21. Constantine	22. Toi Thomas
23. Loni Townsend - Squirrel Talk	24. Writing Wings
25. Olga Godim writing	26. Balancing Act
27. Fundy Blue's Standing Into Danger	28. Shout with Emaginette
29. Jemima Pett	30. I Love Space (by J. S. Pailly)
31. Writing in Wonderland	32. Sandra Ulbrich Almazan: Spec. Fic. Author
33. Stories I Found in the Closet	34. Were All Mad Here!
35. Everything Must Change	36. Pensive Pens Post
37. Paving My Authors Road	38. Lynn La Vita
39. Rebecca M. Douglass - The Ninja Librarian	40. Ronel the Mythmaker
41. Jan Morrison, this crazy writing life	42. Literary Rambles
43. Michael Offutt	44. Write On - Rosemary Johnson
45. Sherry Ellis	46. Nancy Gideon - Romance by Any Other Name . . .
47. A Far Out Fantastic Site	48. Jean Davis
49. Fiction and Film	50. The Girdle of Melian
51. Joylene Nowell Butler	52. Yvette Carol, Author
53. A Writers Revelations	54. J Lenni Dorner
55. Melissa Maygrove	56. Living the Dream
57. Janet Alcorn	58. Ecce Signum
59. J. R. Vincente's Erotic Fiction Blog	60. Falling Forever
61. Yvonne Ventresca	62. MotherOwl's Musings
63. P. J. MacLayne	64. East of the Sun, West of the Moon. . .
65. Bish Denham: Random Thoughts	66. PJLs Write Life
67. Donna K. Weaver	68. Readers Roost
69. Jessica Ferguson - Author, Speaker, Writing Coach	70. Glittering Black
71. Romance Under Fire	72. Beth Camp
73. Lisa Buie-Collard Author	74. Jamie of Uniquely Maladjusted but Fun
75. H. R. Sinclair	76. SquarePeg Books
77. Lissa @ Postcards from the Bookstore	78. SE White Romance
79. Kalpanawrites	80. Rosie's Reverie - Rosie J. Potter
81. Author Allie Bock	82. Consulting Writer
83. The Learning Dreamer	84. Bernard Davis Books
85. Fiction Writer	86. Jenni Enzor, Kidlit Writer
87. Nick Wilford, Speculative Author	88. The Road To Being A Published Writer
89. Damyanti @ Daily(w)rite	90. Fiction Can Be Fun

You are next... This list will close in 1255 days, 14 hrs, 19 min (9/9/2028 11:59 PM North America - Eastern Standard Time)

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